According to family systems theory, any “system” of which people are part wants to maintain homeostasis. Change is threatening, even change for the better, because it means individual members of the comfortable existing system will also have to change, and change is scary. This explains why, when there is abuse, family members and friends and churches try so hard to push back against the victim’s cry for help–if they help her, the system itself will have to adjust to the new reality, and it will be VERY difficult for the others in that system to make that adjustment.
The disruption is more than most are willing to accept, so they fight tooth and nail to keep things “stable,” even if it means throwing someone under the bus to make that happen. It’s wrong, but often people aren’t consciously aware they are doing it. They put their fingers in their ears and close their eyes tight shut so they can maintain their comfortable status quo. Praise God for those who are willing to tolerate the anxiety of change in order to do the right thing.
My husband, Steve, says: People change when the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of changing.
Daffy Duck says: I hate pain…it hurts me!
We all agree with Daffy, I’m sure, but being brave and tolerating both anxiety and pain is where growth happens. It’s also the way to hear, on that final day, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matt. 25:21).